06.12.08
Posted in Relationships + More at 2:59 pm by admin
A good friend of mine recently said, “but I do love him.”
“Then why are you willing to accept being angry at him, instead of working to resolve the issue?” I asked.
The him, was her husband and our conversation was about how we choose to be in the state we are in. How we choose to love, or not to love, to be angry or not to be angry, but that it is our choice, consciously, or unconsciously.
Although not convinced about the control she had on this, I kept pressing. “So why choose anger?”
“Because I’m tired of constantly trying, only to get rejected.”
Still hearing her skepticism about choice, I said, “If you don’t control your emotions, who does?”
I stopped questioning her at that point, because I could hear the pain in her voice, which only minutes before stood as anger. Having been through a similar situation in my own marriage of 14 years, I felt her pain as if it were mine…perhaps because it truly was. I listened as she said she hadn’t stopped loving him, but in my eyes, I felt that for the minute, she surely had. She had made a conscious effort to stop loving her husband as a direct result of his rejections. Even if indirectly, it was payback time.
But who was really paying the price? She felt the daily rejections of him not listening to her and of him not being intimate, but now it was his turn to feel unloved. Wasn’t that how this game was played? It was one option, but one that she would pay the price for, even as she withheld the love. She would then hold the reigns, but still walk away feeling unloved.
After leaving a marriage that left me with similar feelings, I left the conversation with a pain in my heart. The pain from knowing exactly how it felt to be denied a love that I could almost taste. The pain from constantly exposing myself, only to be left feeling bruised and beaten from the silence. The pain of trying to peel away each layer of my skin, hoping for my true self to be revealed and loved. And the ultimate pain, in not knowing if it would ever end.
The most difficult decision I ever made was to leave my husband after fourteen years and to give up my dreams of a happily ever after ending, but one that had to come. You see, my marriage differed from my friends in one very important way. I never stopped loving my husband, because I was the eternal optimist, and believed that eventually he would hear me. I believed that if I kept putting myself out there, that one day he would finally cave in and love me like I needed. It wasn’t until the day I realized that he could only love the way he knew how, that I knew I had to leave. I didn’t know how long I had been giving and feeling unloved, but it was very clear that I was becoming a person that almost didn’t feel anymore.
Faced with being a single parent, trying to start a business of my own, create a life for my children that enabled them to see my true self and learning how to expose myself to the cruel world of dating, I never once looked back. I couldn’t choose that. I couldn’t, because who I needed to be was someone who was feeling and this was where I needed to be.
Dating, after being married for fourteen years, will help you experience the raw feelings of being exposed and vulnerable all over again, with a huge range of emotions. The difference is that I know there is an end in sight.
“Just be cautious,” my sister pleaded after hearing about one of my better dates.
I resisted my usual urge to defend myself. “There is no cautious in the game of love,” I said. “This time I am looking for someone who knows the real me, right from the start. And if throwing caution to the wind from day one, means I may experience sadness…than so be it…because playing full out is the only way to play. And if I get hurt, at least I will know that I feel. And if I feel, at least I will know I am alive.
So this spring, why not experience Spring Fever with a real spring in your step? Play full out…love like your heart tells you to. You may be surprised at the happiness that comes with it.
Lesley Moore is President and Owner of LifeScope, Life Coaching. She specializes in working with individuals in transition, empowering them to create a life they love. She is also a Personal Fitness Trainer and a Freelance Writer. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Journalism and has studied coaching through the Mentor Coach Program, which is recognized by the International Coaching Federation. For more information about Life Coaching, visit her website at http://www.lifescopecoach.com/.
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04.09.08
Posted in Relationships + More at 2:46 pm by admin
Divorce can sometimes be the best last option in a bad marriage. However, getting a divorce is not an easy task. The procedure usually involves a lot of legal complexities relating to the custody of children, property, alimony, child support and other such issues. Letting a divorce lawyer deal with all such messy issues would be the best choice for either party.
Although many cheap divorce methods are available, the very best would still be the kind that both partners can do among themselves without involving an outsider. Letting a lawyer in would be somewhat a burden, particularly when the case drags for a long time causing emotional turmoil for either parties, all the while being heavy on the pockets.
There is now available a method to deal with a divorce without a lawyer or an attorney. Known as the Pro Se divorce, or more popularly as the do it yourself divorce, it entitles both the parties filing the divorce papers themselves. However, Pro Se divorce can be filed only under certain conditions and might not be the best option for many.
The first criterion to file a Pro Se divorce is that the divorce is uncontested by either parties, either with respect to children or property. Also, the children, if any are involved, must all be of legal age and so must not be brought into the case. Any kind investment such as deposits, stock, retirement or pension options must not be present for either party. Alimony is not dealt with in case of do it yourself divorce and so the parties must definitely hire a lawyer for the same.
It is compulsory that both the parties file for the Pro Se divorce, instead of one opting for a lawyer and the other going in for the do it yourself divorce. Also, those in military cannot file through this method while in service. A lawyer is compulsory for such military divorce cases. History of physical or mental abuse on either partner by the other, debt, bankruptcy etc., are other conditions that must not be present while filing for a Pro se divorce case. It is also a condition that both the parties are financially well off after the divorce and would not need any kind of support from the other, such as alimony.
Pro Se divorces, as mentioned, involve a lot of legalities that both the partners must consider before opting for this method of divorce. However, one major advantage with this kind of divorce is that it saves a lot of money in form of lawyer fee. But one disadvantage would be that the clients would need to represent themselves in the court with no legal help from a lawyer. Getting the initial paperwork reviewed by an experienced lawyer would be a good choice before filing the papers. This would ensure that all the requisite documents are being provided and getting a separation is only a matter of time even with individual representation in the court without the assistance of a lawyer. The list of documents to be submitted is available on the Internet on websites that help with Pro Se divorces and are relatively easy to locate.
Divorce Lawyers provides detailed information on Divorce Lawyers, Cheap Divorce Lawyers, Divorce Without A Lawyer, Free Divorce Lawyers and more. Divorce Lawyers is affiliated with Family Law Courts.
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04.06.08
Posted in Relationships + More at 7:03 pm by admin
Ah, a craze that’s really been embraced over the last few years.
Monograms embrace the idea of unity as two couples initials are
intertwined — and become one. In addition, monograms provide an
elegant reminder of your new lives as man and wife.
Brides can employ monograms prior to, during, and after the
wedding reception. Your guests will be blown away by the amount
of effort you put into the dramatic visuals. If you’re wondering
if there’s actually such a thing as a ‘monogram themed wedding,’
the answer is “yes.” If you decorate all of your reception with
monograms, it clearly be seen as a
themed wedding that embraces the unity between a man and his
wife.
There are several ideas for use of your monograms. It’s always a
good idea to utilize the ideas of others and incorporate your
own creativity. This will make your own wedding theme a success.
Here is an example of the many places you can have them ‘pop up’
prior to and during the reception:
Wedding Invitations Custom Postage Stamps Envelope Seals Accent
to Bride’s Garter Table Linen Napkins Place-cards Aisle Runners
Guestbook Ring Bearer’s Pillow Flower Girl’s Basket Coasters
Centerpieces Champagne Flute Glasses Cake Accessory Cake Cutter
Bottled Water Label Wedding Favors
Now that you’ve gotten an idea of where you can bare your
emblem, we have to ask: are you a traditional person by nature?
If so, than you may want this little tip on wedding etiquette.
Sometimes monograms are frowned upon if they’re used prior to
the wedding reception. So, if you’re a traditional gal, you may
wish to skip the use of monograms on your wedding invites and
wait for the reception.
Remember anything can be overdone. While you want everyone to
notice your monograms, make sure that they’re not redundant in
color and location. Spread them out and make them look elegant.
Table linens and floral pieces with monograms may look beautiful
separated from one another, but they may look ‘too busy’ if
placed one together.
Use your best judgement when organizing and decorating for your
reception. Accessorize the colors of ribbon, linens, and floral
arrangements, with the colors of your monogram. Your wedding
favors too, should include a monogram, as it’s a very personal
touch . Some ideas include personalized wedding frames, candy
bars, colas, or candles that bare your monogram. It’s a
thoughtful gift that your loved ones will treasure.
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